A week ago I had no news.
A few days ago I received news that made things suddenly appear very good for us in baby D's case. I actually really thought things may have taken a turn and this case may be wrapping up a little quicker than I had been forseeing......
Then just like that today I receive an email that sends us crashing back down the hill of the unknown. The one thing that could most definitely prolong and possibly turn this case around is now appearing to happen.
Though we are surprised by this news I know God is not.
So I pray He can steady's our hearts as we continue to love and care for our son....while a women he does not even know and a broken system get to have our family and 5 children's lives(along with other foster families) in complete limbo as they please.
I had to struggle to hold back tears as I endured today's visit. As baby D looked on at me across the room screaming and tears rolling down his face wondering why I wouldn't just come hold him. When I could finally come take him the relief on both our faces is only a glimpse into what is at stake here.
I say this not to discourage others from similar paths, but to hopefully one day show the glory God will bring from all this brokenness. I will never doubt that God has placed D with us and I fully trust in the sovereignty of His plan...however no where in Gods word are we promised to be spared from trials and suffering. Thats the part that makes our frail hearts so scared. I believe God is very close at hand in the care of these orphaned children and if we allow He can use us to be his hands and feet in this situation. Oh, that we may be able to keep our eyes focused on the eternal picture when surrounded by so much hurt.
In church on Sunday I found my self surrounded by Gods presence as we sang 'Oh, how He loves us'. Lost in the thought of how much God truly loves me. Truly loves baby D. Dwelling on the thought that he will surely protect us from all this...then all the sudden as I sang those words I thought of D's bio mom.
Those words were meant for her to.
God does not love her any less than he loves me and no matter what she chooses to do he is a Father who is grieving over his lost child and wants to welcome her into his arms. May I keep that in mind as our lives(whether by choice or not) our intertwined with hers... and who she is and who she can become affects my daily life. Every day.
Read this quote the other day and in a simple sentence explains so many emotions:
Children born to another woman call me "Mom".
The depth of that tragedy and the magnitude of that privilege are not lost on me.
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