A roller coaster ride of the heart...

Talking about emotions of course...this whole foster parent/adoption process is undoubtedly a roller coaster ride that I have no control over. 

A week ago I had no news.

A few days ago I received news that made things suddenly appear very good for us in baby D's case. I actually really thought things may have taken a turn and this case may be wrapping up a little quicker than I had been forseeing......

Then just like that today I receive an email that sends us crashing back down the hill of the unknown. The one thing that could most definitely prolong and possibly turn this case around is now appearing to happen. 

Though we are surprised by this news I know God is not. 

So I pray He can steady's our hearts as we continue to love and care for our son....while a women he does not even know and a broken system get to have our family and 5 children's lives(along with other foster families) in complete limbo as they please.

 I had to struggle to hold back tears as I endured today's visit. As baby D looked on at me across the room screaming and tears rolling down his face wondering why I wouldn't just come hold him. When I could finally come take him the relief on both our faces is only a glimpse into what is at stake here.

I say this not to discourage others from similar paths, but to hopefully one day show the glory God will bring from all this brokenness. I will never doubt that God has placed D with us and I fully trust in the sovereignty of His plan...however no where in Gods word are we promised to be spared from trials and suffering. Thats the part that makes our frail hearts so scared. I believe God is very close at hand in the care of these orphaned children and if we allow He can use us to be his hands and feet in this situation. Oh, that we may be able to keep our eyes focused on the eternal picture when surrounded by so much hurt.

In church on Sunday I found my self surrounded by Gods presence as we sang 'Oh, how He loves us'. Lost in the thought of how much God truly loves me. Truly loves baby D.  Dwelling on the thought that he will surely protect us from all this...then all the sudden as I sang those words I thought of D's bio mom. 

Those words were meant for her to.

 God does not love her any less than he loves me and no matter what she chooses to do he is a Father who is grieving over his lost child and wants to welcome her into his arms. May I keep that in mind as our lives(whether by choice or not) our intertwined with hers... and who she is and who she can become affects my daily life. Every day.

Read this quote the other day and in a simple sentence explains so many emotions:

Children born to another woman call me "Mom". 

The depth of that tragedy and the magnitude of that privilege are not lost on me.

- Jody Landers

Pregnancy tracker: week 24

Breyton loves to come pat "Momma's big ol belly" as he calls it. Then he is always trying to stick out his tummy to make it look big like mine lol. He is excited about his sisters arrival though! He tries to convince me to buy things when we are at a store with the excuse, "It's for Lyla!"...Haha nice try:)

This is the week of pregnancy that my niece was born...so I have this mental image of her perfectly formed, but tiny body in my head...and it seems crazy to think about Lyla in there. We are all so blessed that my niece is doing great and just as healthy as can be now at 2.5 yrs old! I will not take for granted feeling Lyla and carrying her for these remaining months.

Size of baby: cantaloupe 

Total Weight gain: So I gained the most I have in a week yet lol..put on 2 almost 3lbs this week. Leaving me with a total of 13.5-14 lbs.

Maternity Clothes: sometimes

Stretch marks: no

Sleep: Hit and miss! Sometimes baby D sleeps through the night, but I still have to wake up to pee of course. Then one night this week D had some new teeth coming through and was up several times..so ya never know!

Food cravings: This was my birthday week..and I may have been spoiled by eating at the Cheesecake Factory 3 times! So yummy. I could probably eat there everyday! Though i better not bc that probably explains the extra weight gain:) Other than that my cravings were the usual fruit, milk, and cereal.

Symptoms: The usual..but this week I had a several bouts of cramping. My whole abdomen area would just ache. I don't think it was Braxton hicks bc it was a constant dull thing not a come and go. Anyways been trying to not lift the boys as much....otherwise I'm feeling fine!

Best moment this week: Her movements are getting really big just to watch them from the outside..so it is so fun to watch her roll around. The few moments I get to sit each day I usually spend watching her move if I can!

Gender: Girl

Movement: Baby girl had her first round of hiccups that I could feel the first of this week. Then she has had them sometimes multiple times a day since. Breyton always had them often in the womb and as a newborn. Must be hereditary haha:)

What I miss: nothing really this week!

What I'm looking forward to: We have a 3d/4d ultrasound coming up July 12th, so I'm excited to see how Lyla has grown! I debated whether or not to have one done, but I'm getting it done at Moore/Norman tech and the cost is only $20...so I figured it was worth that!

Pregnancy tracker: week 23

I'm now 24.5 weeks and I forgot to do a 23 week picture with the chalkboard. These random shots are the only pics I have from week 23:)

Size of baby: Grapefruit

Total Weight gain: 10-11 lbs 

Maternity Clothes: On occasion! Still wear my reg pants just unbuttoned:)

Stretch marks: no

Sleep: My husband worked 36 hours in a 2 day period on top of his reg work schedule last week, but has had all this week off. It has been soo nice, but with him home in the evenings we find ourselves staying up till 12 every night despite knowing the kids will probably wake us in the night plus be up early. Therefore I am tired! We've cherished those kid free hours though!!:)

Food cravings: fruit, sandwiches, cheese/milk, and pickles!

Symptoms: Some discomforts here and there, but mostly feeling good!

Best moment this week: my husband being off all week:)

Gender: Girl

Movement: Plenty of acrobatics going on!

What I miss: Sometimes I miss being able to lay flat on my back or stomach! This always laying on your side business can get old.

What I'm looking forward to: My birthday is next week(July 1st)..this is my second birthday to spend carrying a baby in my tummy:) 

Everyday we are closer to being in our house and closer to this little girl being here...it's getting very real!!

Pregnancy tracker: week 22

Size of baby: Papaya..about 10-11 inches long.

Total Weight gain: about 9.5-10 lbs

Maternity Clothes: on occasion

Stretch marks: no

Sleep: same as last week pretty much....

Food cravings: Fruit, salsa, pizza, and sandwiches.

Symptoms: Mostly my growing belly and movement! Though my belly button is officially making its way out...getting close to being flat/flush with my belly.

Best moment this week: Had my monthly checkup with my midwife and always good to hear her say everything looks great...and of course hear Lyla's heartbeat. 

Gender: girl

Movement: Plenty of movement! I think Lyla just likes to reassure me that she is doing good:) Love watching her movements though! Sometimes the amazing-ness of this opportunity takes my breath away.

What I miss: nothing really

What I'm looking forward to: We picked out the paint color for miss Lyla's room this week. Though we can't paint for awhile I needed it decided so I could start working on the pom poms and other details so that they'd coordinate. Just can't wait!!

Still sticking with the sort of aqua/mint wall color...Just like my baby room color my mom had for me. It's so cheery and calm:) The color we chose is somewhere between these two rooms:

These are more of my inspiration colors:

Then masons grandpa is an antique collector and he is giving us a phone just like this for her room...I love having vintage touches! I can already see her play chatting on this phone in a few (short) years.

House progress and baby D updates!

I've had such a fun week with my two boys (and girl in tow). This whole having a pool anytime we want business is pretty awesome. I take the kids pretty much everyday. It's always tiring getting us all there and back, but then relaxing in the water and feeling weightless is so good on this pregnant girls body. 

I have just been seeing more and more Gods perfect timing and hand in everything. With the people we meet and just all the little details...especially all over again with the selling of our first home, moving here, and building our 'forever' home. 

I thought I'd give a few quick updates: The home building is going great...all the rain did cause some delays where we may be pushed back to middle of September for it being completed. Hopefully Lyla doesn't come TOO early:) Other wise process is moving along smoothly- we are loving the way everything is coming together-and it's neat to go out and see each step as our home is built. I haven't posted a pic in awhile so here is where we are at:

About to be bricked.

The inside is sheetrocked and starting to look like a home..this is the living room from the kitchen standpoint.

 

This is master bedroom.

Also, I know people have been asking about baby D and I haven't wrote anything because at this point there hasn't been too much I can say. Here's a quick update:

As far as baby D being with us things are going great! We couldn't love him anymore than we do. I can't even imagine a life before him or without him. At almost 10 months he has really a started developing a personality and he is hilarious. He is sooo smiley and happy pretty much all the time. He loves to play a peek a boo game where he crawls really fast into our bedroom and 'hides' then peeks out laughing hysterically then ducks back in. Unless you see it then you wouldn't understand how cute it is...I have been in tears laughing so hard several times with his antics:)

He and Breyton love each other in a way words can't describe. Yes, they have sibling arguments and fight over toys...but when either one of them wakes up the first thing on their mind is where is the other. Baby D always crawls and sits besides Breyton's door and Breyton immediately says where is baby '_____!'

I however can't give too many updates with the possible adoption process. We have had court dates, but nothing is really happening at this point. Our next court date is in the middle of July and as always I would appreciate your prayers for God's will in whatever lays ahead. I can make myself feel almost physically ill thinking about about a possible life without baby D in it. Then there is all these things that need to get into place for that to happen and at this point I don't really know where this is going. I just prayer for God to cover us(everyone involved) and provide his peace that only He can give as we walk this road. 

I never doubt the fact that we are supposed to have baby D in our home...he is our son and for now this is where God has him placed. I pray that with us his forever home, but I also pray for his bio mom to find eternal life through God's grace and to be able to turn her destructive pattern around. So that's where I always stay in my prayers somewhat 'neutral' just asking for His will. Though my flesh screams for baby D to not be taken away and sometimes the fears overwhelm me...I trust God did not lead us to this place without a divine purpose. That's where I'll leave it. I hope to have some updates about the process moving along in the future, but for know we are at a stand still just trying to leave the whole thing in God's hands.

Here are random pics from past week of my boys!

Breyton in his new shades.

Mommy and B!

Playing outside with pots of water on a hot summer morning!

Chatting with dad one morning.

Fishing in Grammys pool.

Pregnancy tracker: Week 21

I forgot to take a chalkboard pic for week 21...I'm already almost 23 weeks now...so a little too late :) Here is a pic I took when my bump looked especially big one evening lol.

Size of baby: Pomegranate 

Total Weight gain: 9-9.5 lbs 

Maternity Clothes: On occasion.

Stretch marks: no

Sleep: I usually have to wake up to pee at least twice a night...I know that symptom is not going anywhere any time soon:) Then I get up with D about once a night.

Food cravings: fruit, salsa, cereal.

Symptoms: growing belly, growing(sore) boobs, and lots of movement from this little girl...bout sums it up:)

Best moment this week: Finally deciding on a name for our daughter. I'm just not one of those people who likes waiting...I love having a name to call her by...makes the bond feel even stronger for me. We are already so in love with Lyla Grace:)

Gender: Girl

Movement: Lots of strong movement! Mason gets to feel her often:) Plus we can now watch her moving pretty easily.

What I miss: nothing really..

What I'm looking forward to: Been picking out more ideas for the nursery. Excited to decorate it....problem being I have to wait till the very end bc I don't have our house or her room yet! I'm at least about to start getting some things ready like making the pom poms for above her crib. All exciting none the less. 

Pic of Breyton offering to share his animal cracker with his sister...logically he tries through my belly button:)

Pregnancy tracker: Week 19

 

                                   

Size of baby: Mango!

Total Weight gain: 6-6.5lbs still steadily going up...but starting to notice it rising a little quicker. Which is ok! :) Seem to be right where I need to be.

Maternity Clothes: On occasion still...mostly just my regular clothes unbuttoned or with a belly band.

Stretch marks: no

Sleep: Baby girl definitely is very active at night...especially around 12 and 3am. Hoping her high activity at night does not elude to my future nights this fall:) Oh and mr baby D has been waking up at 5-6 am everyday...which is about killing me. I'm pretty grumpy till 8 or 9 rolls around lol.

Food cravings: Fruit. Pizza. Potatoes. Cereal.

Symptoms: Lots of movement....and occasional growing/stretching pains/twinges in abdomen.

Best moment this week: I love feeling her move! It will never get old. Each week the movements obviously get stronger...so this week I just tried to enjoy all the activity....even at 3 am.

Gender: Girl

Movement: Yup, plenty of reassurance from this little girl that she is alive and kickin!

What I miss: Nothing

What I'm looking forward to: The big anatomy scan is next week @ 20 weeks..so I'm of course looking forward to seeing her again and praying all is progressing healthily.

Part 1: DIY Farmhouse dining room table.

I'm so excited our new dining room table is getting close to being finished! I first saw this farmhouse style table on Pinterest and pretty much fell in love with it. I sold our old table on craigslist a little while back because our family has grown quite a bit, so I knew we'd need a bigger table to fit around:)

Loved the look of this table, so we are following this tutorials staining process, but we altered the construction process quite a bit. My hubby combined several different plans, so I can't share just one link for that.

 

Once I saw the farmhouse table and bench I knew that's what kind of table I wanted to get for the new house.

It's even 100 hundred times better now that my hubby is building it....going to be a very special piece of furniture now for us to be able to watch our kids grow around this table and have family over for holidays.

Since we are in our apartment Mason has been using his grandpa's garage to build the table.  Here is the stages thus far:

This was a month ago the night we bought the wood....just laying it out to decide what length we wanted the table to be.

Then I don't have pics of all the in between steps to get to this finished table skirt frame and support for the table top....but here it is!

Attaching the table top to the frame...

Three generations of great men working on the table.

My husband with his completed table top:)

Looking great! Just have to add legs and sand/stain the table.

Can't wait to have it finished and in our new home:))

Pregnancy tracker: Week 20

Halfway point!!! Though probably past halfway if she is a little early like her brother was.

Size of baby: Banana...baby girl is about 10 inches long!

Total Weight gain: 7.5-8lbs 

Maternity Clothes: still wear the few I have on occasion!

Stretch marks: no

Sleep: Pregnancy is not keeping me awake really....though I do find it hard not to sleep on my back(not recommend 2nd trimester and beyond). I wake up on my back often, so I've been trying to be more aware of it! Baby D has good nights and bad nights, so just depends with him.

Food cravings: Fruit still. Pretty much same as last week..potatoes in any form, cereal, and sweets.

Symptoms: Feeling pretty good. Made it to the gym 2 times this week which is probably the most I have any week lol. With Breyton I worked out at least 4 times a week...but now having two kids nobody has time for that:) Those two boys keep me active though.

Best moment this week: Our 20 week anatomy scan! So amazing to watch her moving around on ultrasound...just love her too much already!

Gender: anatomy scan confirmed yet again...Girl!

Movement: Lots of movement this week of course....Becomes more frequent and stronger each week!

What I miss: I suppose sleeping on my back a tiny bit...but that's about it!

What I'm looking forward to: I'm hoping time goes kind of slow now...I'm past the halfway point and feel like this pregnancy is going too fast! Weeks 20-30 are probably my favorite--lots of movement, look obviously pregnant, have energy, and not in the uncomfortable stages yet! 

Pics from week 20:

Hubby, baby girl, and I at his Battle of The Brave baseball game...between Edmond PD and Fire Dept.

Ultrasound pics from 20.5 weeks. Our sweet daughter was curled up in a tight ball the whole time. She had her knees by her nose and feet above her head. Not sure how that could be in any way comfortable, but she seemed to be snug. U/s tech tried to get her to change positions, but she would even roll around staying curled up. Everything looked great though! Very blessed.

 

She would cross her ankles by her feet like a little lady at times. Then her hands she moved around a lot..mostly keeping them behind her head though!

Here is her little feet!