It’s been so long since I wrote- devastating and amazing things have happened this year and I’m often torn between the emotions of the two and not wanting one to overshadow the other. Allowing myself to desperately miss my brother and grieve the ending that didn’t come, but also praise God and find joy in this life I’ve been given. It has almost been 4 months since my brother passed. As the months go on the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my relationship with God is let go of my grip on knowing ‘why’ and really believe His ways are higher than mine and that He doesn’t have to explain them to me. Daily I have to say it doesn’t matter if I ever know why my brother wasn’t healed on this side of eternity...because I know you God and that is enough. I know in the end there is nowhere else I would turn and no one else I can run to and oh how God has pursued me and proven himself to me over and over. That doesn’t mean I don’t get mad and I don’t question God, but even through tears I fight for my faith and say, “I trust you still.”
I know with my brothers birthday coming up and the holidays that things are going to get harder before they get easier, but I can say with confidence that His grace is sufficient and His Love is enough......because even now God’s faithfulness has been overwhelming and carried me and provided for us in ways that I could not have fathomed. Our adoption of Evie and our move to Peppers Ranch are a reminder to me of the Bible verse Ephesians 3:20 “to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think”. In the face of devastating loss God prepared in advance miracles that would remind me daily of His amazing goodness. One year ago we started our journey towards our 2nd adoption knowing that it could cost between $20-30k, but taking that step of faith we trusted God would provide. I remember hoping just to get an adoption grant or two to help with the cost....God did abundantly more than that and provided every single penny through generous donations from friends and anonymous people, receiving 4 adoption grants, and then the tax credit we get back for adoption expenses will have covered all fees. Even in the little things as Evie’s hospital bill for her stitches was about $600 and 2 days prior to receiving the bill we got an unexpected check in the mail for almost the exact amount. It’s crazy to me to think we thought we were going to be giving up so much financially to follow in obedience, but God showed up and poured out more than we dared to even ask. Then there is the opportunity to live at Peppers Ranch...I don’t want to gloss over or minimize how God provided a way for us to live out the desire He placed on our hearts to care for orphans while abundantly being provided for and with the kind of community and support we could have never imagined- it’s too much to even list here. Truly above what we could ask or think.
Speaking of Peppers Ranch I should also give a short update on our fostering journey. Back in August we accepted placement of siblings- a brother(8yrs) and sister(6yrs). This past week the brother moved on to be with his dad and long story short his sister will be joining him the first week of December. This is due to them being half brother/sister and additional approval being needed to move her since she has no biological relation. The same day we found out our foster son was moving we got a call about 3 sisters that were being picked up and they were having to be separated as there were no homes to keep them together. For me there was some hesitation because the youngest was only 18 months and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go back to the baby stage of having someone home full time with me since Lyla just started school. After praying about it we both agreed we had a peace about saying yes. So this past Thursday they joined our family. They are three amazing girls and have already been a blessing to our family. The ‘baby’ that I was worried about taking on has been such a joy- I seriously love her. She makes allll of us smile a million times a day...and is smothered in love by everyone. Needless to say God is already there- wherever He calls us He is ahead of us working out the details and I’m so grateful for the life we have now because of obedience to God’s call on our life. I know it may sound like a crazy life, but it really is our best life.
