“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”Romans 12:12

This season I’ve been in and prayfully am coming out of has been so hard.  I am so grateful for my husband more than ever this past year- his steadfastness when so much felt like it was crumbling meant more to me than he will ever know. ❤️

2018 was a fight for me internally and this battle of proving what I say I believe I actually believe. That I still trust that God is good when things don’t turn out ‘good’. Yes, even when worst case scenario seems to play out. Oh, I’ve been through hard seasons before, but what I walked through last year seemed almost unbearable at times. It wasn’t only the death of my brother it was so much more with this journey of foster care and life that was almost too heavy of a burden to carry. I don’t want to overlook that there were moments of joy this past year, but even in those moments there was this heaviness. I know so many others going through such hard struggles as well and I am thankful I can say Jesus is always faithful..even in those darkest moments.

Fostering for us has always been about Jesus. He is the reason why we do it and how we get through it. 

This is the reality of foster care-“While our ‘flesh’ and the world says pursue comfort and safety at all costs, this means purposefully enduring great cost so others might know comfort and safety. While the world says insulate and isolate your kids from the brokenness of the world around you, foster care means you welcome that brokenness into your family and provide it a safe and loving place to call home. You are flipping the script on everything that is expected and normal – and it’s hard..and beautiful.” 

I can’t unsee the things I have seen and unhear the things I have heard. These kids stories and heartaches keep me up at night and give me a pit in my stomach most days. Then you repeat all this with each new child and each new story. After so many years I had let it all weigh my heart down too much.

But thank you Jesus that weight isn’t mine to carry.....as Jesus already came down to save us from all this mess and gave us the hope of an eternity with him in heaven. Trust me I know that doesn’t make things easy this side of heaven, but that hope is what I can cling to. He also promises us supernatural strength, peace, and, yes, even joy as we walk through hard things. I have experienced it over and over again.

None of this is going to go away. My brother is not coming back and there isn’t going to stop being broken families and abused and neglected children caught in the middle of so much pain- until Jesus returns. BUT I do have all I need in Christ to walk the path he has asked me to walk. It is because of Him and by abiding in Him that I can face whatever lies ahead and still have joy. Thank goodness for JOY- it’s not based on our current circumstances it’s based on what Christ already did for us. So it can’t be taken from me. Praise God for that.

My prayer is that I focus on choosing joy and gratitude in all things and that the Lord keeps refining me through all this....trust me parenting seven kids from all different walks of life is a refining/sanctifying process.....and my goal is to love like He loves, and not expect anything in return. To be more like Jesus should be my only aim. 

And he[Jesus] said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.