I came here to spill some thoughts and saw the title of my last post. I had almost forgot the difficult season God had just brought me out of.....in the end it had strengthened my faith...like every trial does. The more you see God come through (or hold you up when it doesn't turn out like you hoped) then the easier it gets to trust Him the next time you feel him calling you to take a step into the unknown.
A lot has happened especially in the past 10 days. With our last foster placements moving out in October we were taking a short break with plans to reopen in January- Lord willing. It had been a great time of 'recouping' by getting to go on an awesome vacation and refocusing on the joy of this season.
Thursday before last I answered my phone and one conversation changed everything. We were presented with the opportunity to take back in our previous foster placement. I can't go into detail of all the events that had transpired over the month and a half since they had left our home, but it had not been good. Honestly, my gut reaction was to say yes...but my head kept reminding me of all the reasons we had to say no. I had just gotten rid of ALL baby items because I was so sure we would not be having a baby come through our home anytime soon(we were set to take on ages 4+ only) . I already had my hands full with three busy children. I did not want to potty train another child for the third year in a row! Then there is the what will our family's say? What will everyone think? Will I go crazy? Lol
All the unknowns and fears around the whole situation seemed overwhelming. After all this could likely be saying yes to forever...and were we ready for that!?
God didn't give me all the answers, but through my husband He made it clear I needed to say yes. The rest would fall into place when it was time. I'm so thankful Mason had such a confidence that this was God's will and that we would make it work. It gave me the strength to say yes even though I was full of doubt and fear. I'm writing all this down to be a reminder to myself and to tell you- of the miracles God has worked in the past 10 days.
Every baby item we needed was given to us: a crib, car seat, highchair, and clothes all provided before we needed them. That's the small stuff though. The big thing was my heart.
God changed my heart in a way that I never could have done on my own. From the moment baby K was back in our home I had a love for her that I couldn't have 'manufactured' on my own. God didn't give me the grace I needed until the very moment that I needed it. As usual He just wanted me to yes even though I didn't have the answers I wanted. Then in that moment He took care of it all. Man, I would have already missed out on so much if I had let my worries or my 'what about me' thoughts get in the way. Our 'fleshly' nature prefers the path of least resistance- It's just that we sometimes take God out of the equation when we let our minds race with excuses and fears.
God has lavishly poured blessings over my heart and attitude the past 11 days. I couldn't put it all in to words because there are no words for some of it...but for example this past Thursday is the day that Sean and Lyla attend a kids day out program at our church and I look forward to my almost weekly few hours 'off'- something I haven't had in 7 years! This week I knew I would have K here while they were gone and normally my reaction would have had a slight pity party that I had to give that up. I did not have those feelings come over me once, but was able to rejoice in the time I had alone with K that day. I know one on one time was a blessing for forming that bond and attachment that she needs right now. I'm telling you this was all God. It is not my natural nature. Lol
Sweet little K is a blessing I didn't know we wanted or needed. God has used her to show me once again that this has nothing to do with me or what I think my limitations are. It's about putting blind faith in my God who has no limitations. He is capable of anything. He multiplies my sleep, He gives me more energy to face each day, He gives my kids a joy in giving a helping hand, and He provides peace in the many unknowns that are left. A peace that I could never have apart from Him.
If your standing on the edge of a big unknown and have the choice to say yes then let me tell you it's worth it. It's never a sacrifice to say yes to God. Even if you will think it is, He can turn it around it to something you never expected. You won't think you can climb the mountain in front of you until you just do it. I truly believe He does not give you the strength or grace for the situation-until you are in it. Then He just shows up in a way that only He can. It defies logic or reasoning, but it's undeniable real.
You won't know it until you experience it for yourself, but I'm telling you what God can do with your 'hard yes' is far better than how safe or comfortable or secure you thought saying 'no' would be.
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