That Casting Crowns song "Praise You in this Storm" is playing in my head right now-
"But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away."
I wrote the post below almost 2 months ago after finding out I was pregnant again this past August. Little did I know what the future would hold. I sure didn't expect it to include another loss of a precious life so soon...but it did. I really felt like I should still share how God spoke to me about fear and faith while being pregnant again. It applies in this waiting I'm in still. It actually applies to every area of my life. Despite going on to have a second miscarriage I hope one day when I am pregnant again I will read this and be reminded that we DO NOT have to live with a spirit of fear.
Written September 2012:
Becoming pregnant after a miscarriage can be a very scary experience...if you let it. I think everyone has some worries when they discover they are pregnant, but until it actually happens to you miscarriage is just a statistic.
Something that happens to someone else.
Once you've experienced how real loss really is it is hard to ever be the same. I think its obvious how truly grateful and excited we are to be pregnant again! Words cannot describe the joy of being blessed with a new life. However, its a struggle to not let satan steal the joy that pregnancy is supposed to be without fear of more heartache. It's those subconscious thoughts * you feel guilty for even thinking*....should we get our hopes up again, maybe I shouldn't talk about names yet, or plan every detail of the nursery....try not to imagine how wonderful it will be to watch my belly grow, to hear that heartbeat, feel kicks, watch B be a big brother, on and on.
That's when I have to remember that satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy(John 10:10). I refuse to let him win. I have to take a look at what God's word says and what he promises.
The fear of celebrating because of how much it will hurt to have a broken heart again is there. Though from that moment I see those 2 pink lines I can't help but celebrate this new life because it's a natural overflow. Part of me wants to think if we tried not to plan so far ahead that the loss wouldn't be so devastating , but I should know that isn't true. God's word says EVERY life is worth celebrating no matter how short and that babies are a gift from heaven. I know that every single tear that I cried for our lost baby was worth it. S/he deserved to be celebrated with every part of me because God created that baby with a purpose and knew him/her by name. I'm so glad we spent our time rejoicing during every week that baby was ours. I may not have gotten to hold that precious life on this side of eternity, but I know I have an angel waiting for me in heaven.
Though it may not sound like it I must say God has really blessed me with a peace from the beginning of this pregnancy that can only come from him. I just wanted to share my struggles ....because that is when God gets more of the glory. I know many others have mourned a loss and hope they can know someone else does understand. We all probably share these same emotions. I read on other blogs/forums where tons of people think they just have to live with the constant fear and that it's okay. However, God has not given us a spirit of fear we don't have to spend this pregnancy (or fill in the blank_______) in worry.
Allowing fear/worry to control our thoughts is a sin we have to view it as that.
We can have a joy and peace to not stress over every symptom or lack thereof....we must place this life in God's hands because it is HIS after all. I have my weak moments when fear comes in, but I'm constantly striving to focus on the joy I have now. I am pregnant today. I will praise God for that and take it one day at a time as God leads me down a path to healing.
****When I wrote this post I never really dreamed we would suffer through the loss of the child I was carrying...everything just seemed so perfect with the timing. I can say this post still reflects how I feel despite it all....I will rejoice yet again when God blesses us with a new life. No matter how short(or long) of a time that life may be with us. As painful as this has all been I know I am a different person on the other side of it. Someone I would not be if God hadn't led me down this road.
It is a choice though- we choose whether to blame God for bad things(whatever they may be) or to run to him in our darkest times. I can't yet say I see the good in all of it, but I trust that my God who allowed it is very good and has my best in mind.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Things to remember-September 2012
I didn't realize we already passed the one year mark of this blog. It's already crazy to look back at what all can happen and change in just one year. I know for sure Breyton is growing and changing so quickly-thankful to have these 'snapshots' of what he was doing from each month to look back on.
Better late than never here are the memories I have of Breyton from September:
1) At the start of the packing for moving process B found his Easter basket full of eggs from this past year....obviously this ended with a few days of him being obsessed with Easter egg hunting lol. In the middle of September. If our neighbors didn't think we were crazy before then this may have given them a hint!
Probably being the house with the toddler who would stand in the front window after stripping down, run out the front door naked, or was always peeing somewhere in the yard was odd enough.
Anyways, we spent hours hiding and finding eggs until *thankfully* the excitement wore off...and I could put the eggs up to be forgotten about:)
2) B had a hard time understanding the concept of actually moving to a different house at first. Clearly since hes never had to before this was a new concept to grasp. The day we found out I told him while we were sitting on the front porch. He sat there and thought a minute before pointing at where the concrete and brick meet on the house saying, "This house can't move it's stuck! See?!" as he pushes against the house. Then I had to explain we weren't moving this house, but getting a different one. B went on to say that about many parts of the house explaining to me that our bathtub, kitchen, etc couldn't move it was "too heavy".
I can say now that we've been in the apartment for over to 2 weeks he's got down the 'old house' and 'new house' idea and is completely adjusted/happy to be here thankfully!
3) So B had some pretty ornery moments. The 'terrible two' moments don't end at 3....really they just get smarter and harder to reason with! However Breyton had some shining moments in September where I can see how others feelings do matter to him:)
Here's my favorite example- B is in the pantry looking for a snack before bed and next thing I know he's saying "uh-oh momma". I go over to see he's somehow dumped the entire canister of oatmeal all over the floor. It's been a long day and I'm trying to get packed, etc not having extra time for messes....so my response was less than thrilled and told him I wasn't too happy he made such a big mess blah blah. I figured having him help would end up with a bigger mess so I told him to go to living room I had to run outside and do something then I'd clean it up. I'm gone outside for a minute or two and come back in...he's sitting in the floor picking up all the oatmeal(and doing a good job) then says, "I'm reaallly sorry momma. I clean it up for you, you happy now?"
4) Other random favorite phrases he says this month: "I'm just kidding!", "nope", "whatever, mom", "Just a minute!", "Just one more time.", "That's awesome.".
He loves to come into the room and "ROAR!"....then I say "Oh, no it's a monster!.... then he always says(with a 'duh' tone) "I'm just kidding mom. It's just me."
Breyton talks, and talks, and talks. He can really wear you out. I'm not the only witness to this people are always asking if he is EVER quiet. My answer is no.
Pretty much always has something to say or more importantly a question to ask...if he runs out of words he fills the silence with any noise he can make. I do love how he can talk about pretty much anything now. Though I love his developing vocabulary I hope I never forget how he say's certain things right now like hippopotamus, apartment, and how 'very dangerous' comes out in the cutest drawn out 'vrevwy dan-gu-wraus'.
September was a month full of the unexpected and no matter what each day brings I'm very thankful to have this strongheaded, hilarious, one of a kind little boy.
Pics from September!
Superman and spiderman all in one!
Shooting a bow and arrow at the Wildlife Expo
Better late than never here are the memories I have of Breyton from September:
1) At the start of the packing for moving process B found his Easter basket full of eggs from this past year....obviously this ended with a few days of him being obsessed with Easter egg hunting lol. In the middle of September. If our neighbors didn't think we were crazy before then this may have given them a hint!
Probably being the house with the toddler who would stand in the front window after stripping down, run out the front door naked, or was always peeing somewhere in the yard was odd enough.
Anyways, we spent hours hiding and finding eggs until *thankfully* the excitement wore off...and I could put the eggs up to be forgotten about:)
2) B had a hard time understanding the concept of actually moving to a different house at first. Clearly since hes never had to before this was a new concept to grasp. The day we found out I told him while we were sitting on the front porch. He sat there and thought a minute before pointing at where the concrete and brick meet on the house saying, "This house can't move it's stuck! See?!" as he pushes against the house. Then I had to explain we weren't moving this house, but getting a different one. B went on to say that about many parts of the house explaining to me that our bathtub, kitchen, etc couldn't move it was "too heavy".
I can say now that we've been in the apartment for over to 2 weeks he's got down the 'old house' and 'new house' idea and is completely adjusted/happy to be here thankfully!
3) So B had some pretty ornery moments. The 'terrible two' moments don't end at 3....really they just get smarter and harder to reason with! However Breyton had some shining moments in September where I can see how others feelings do matter to him:)
Here's my favorite example- B is in the pantry looking for a snack before bed and next thing I know he's saying "uh-oh momma". I go over to see he's somehow dumped the entire canister of oatmeal all over the floor. It's been a long day and I'm trying to get packed, etc not having extra time for messes....so my response was less than thrilled and told him I wasn't too happy he made such a big mess blah blah. I figured having him help would end up with a bigger mess so I told him to go to living room I had to run outside and do something then I'd clean it up. I'm gone outside for a minute or two and come back in...he's sitting in the floor picking up all the oatmeal(and doing a good job) then says, "I'm reaallly sorry momma. I clean it up for you, you happy now?"
4) Other random favorite phrases he says this month: "I'm just kidding!", "nope", "whatever, mom", "Just a minute!", "Just one more time.", "That's awesome.".
He loves to come into the room and "ROAR!"....then I say "Oh, no it's a monster!.... then he always says(with a 'duh' tone) "I'm just kidding mom. It's just me."
Breyton talks, and talks, and talks. He can really wear you out. I'm not the only witness to this people are always asking if he is EVER quiet. My answer is no.
Pretty much always has something to say or more importantly a question to ask...if he runs out of words he fills the silence with any noise he can make. I do love how he can talk about pretty much anything now. Though I love his developing vocabulary I hope I never forget how he say's certain things right now like hippopotamus, apartment, and how 'very dangerous' comes out in the cutest drawn out 'vrevwy dan-gu-wraus'.
September was a month full of the unexpected and no matter what each day brings I'm very thankful to have this strongheaded, hilarious, one of a kind little boy.
Pics from September!
Superman and spiderman all in one!
Enjoying a rainy day:o)
Mr. Sunshine
OK so Breyton can kill me one day for posting this lol...but proof of his naked butt in the window! This is what he does when he gets out of the bath tub and takes off running(can you tell he likes to do what he knows I don't want him to do)..... By the way I don't let him stay there haha just had to snap a pic.
Feeding a deer at the state fair
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Updates on life.
These past few weeks have been a whirlwind. We are moved into the new apartment. I should say our stuff is here....being unpacked or organized is a different story:) Crazy to think this time 4 weeks ago we had zero plans of selling our house any time real soon much less moving to an apartment, but here we are! Even though its been less than a week I really think we like living in the apartments. Downsizing is always a little rough and going from a house in the country to an apartment is an adjustment as well. However, I really think those are the only two 'cons'. I'm loving being closer to town. It takes me less than 2 minutes to go to the grocery store and about 5 min to get to Hobby Lobby:) Plus, there is a nice park less than a mile away for Breyton. I could go on and on about the 'pros' in my opinion so given a little time here we really feel like this was a good decision.
This past week was hectic trying to live out of boxes from Fri-Mon then trying to get moved on Monday evening(it got delayed) and then get ready for a house 'showing' on Tuesday. It would have been impossible without the help of some really important family and friends. Truly so grateful for them!
Now the big deal breaker is how quickly our house sells. We have had several calls and one 'showing' over the past 2 weeks...but no offers or anything serious yet. I'm really not too concerned about it we have prayed long and hard so I know God already has a plan....waiting for it to unfold is the harder part.
On to other updates:
The road to adoption is....rather stalled. Not on our part so much, but on DHS's part. I've heard rumors about how they tend to operate, but experiencing it first hand is a tad bit more frustrating. We definitely have a 'bum' case worker and that's the nice way of putting it! Our original home study was scheduled for August 31st...to which she never showed or called to say she wasn't coming. Then I basically haven't been able to talk with her since. I've been trying to be in touch with just the local DHS office and the head lady instead, but mostly you get transferred, etc and no one calls you back. EVER.
Ok sorry for all the negative, but needed to get that off my chest. I have the feeling by the time something ever gets going they are going to make us redo a lot of our paperwork or exams because it's been so long. I really trust God and his timing so I'm not always so frustrated about it all it's just disappointing how you get the run around. Anyways, I'm going down there in person this coming week so hopefully soon I'll have more positive updates on how the process is going. I do realize with being in the apartment and a smaller space that it may limit what we can do as far as foster care to adoption right now, yet I'd like to keep the process going because I know it will still be awhile before we are 'certified', etc. Somehow despite all these unexpected changes I really feel a peace about our decisions and I'm just listening to where God is leading.
3 quotes I found recently that I keep where I can read them often:
“Faith isn’t the ability to believe or see long and far into the misty future. It’s simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step.”
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time."
All in all...(setbacks, frustrations, tears, disappointments, all the unknown, included) I can excited for where God is taking our lives because he promises it's better than I could have ever dreamed.
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us," Ephesians 3:20
This past week was hectic trying to live out of boxes from Fri-Mon then trying to get moved on Monday evening(it got delayed) and then get ready for a house 'showing' on Tuesday. It would have been impossible without the help of some really important family and friends. Truly so grateful for them!
Now the big deal breaker is how quickly our house sells. We have had several calls and one 'showing' over the past 2 weeks...but no offers or anything serious yet. I'm really not too concerned about it we have prayed long and hard so I know God already has a plan....waiting for it to unfold is the harder part.
On to other updates:
The road to adoption is....rather stalled. Not on our part so much, but on DHS's part. I've heard rumors about how they tend to operate, but experiencing it first hand is a tad bit more frustrating. We definitely have a 'bum' case worker and that's the nice way of putting it! Our original home study was scheduled for August 31st...to which she never showed or called to say she wasn't coming. Then I basically haven't been able to talk with her since. I've been trying to be in touch with just the local DHS office and the head lady instead, but mostly you get transferred, etc and no one calls you back. EVER.
Ok sorry for all the negative, but needed to get that off my chest. I have the feeling by the time something ever gets going they are going to make us redo a lot of our paperwork or exams because it's been so long. I really trust God and his timing so I'm not always so frustrated about it all it's just disappointing how you get the run around. Anyways, I'm going down there in person this coming week so hopefully soon I'll have more positive updates on how the process is going. I do realize with being in the apartment and a smaller space that it may limit what we can do as far as foster care to adoption right now, yet I'd like to keep the process going because I know it will still be awhile before we are 'certified', etc. Somehow despite all these unexpected changes I really feel a peace about our decisions and I'm just listening to where God is leading.
3 quotes I found recently that I keep where I can read them often:
“Faith isn’t the ability to believe or see long and far into the misty future. It’s simply taking God at His Word and taking the next step.”
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.”
"Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time."
All in all...(setbacks, frustrations, tears, disappointments, all the unknown, included) I can excited for where God is taking our lives because he promises it's better than I could have ever dreamed.
"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us," Ephesians 3:20
Friday, September 7, 2012
Random pics from this week!
My little chef helping mommy make meatloaf for dinner!
So Wednesday was 'fall" cleaning day.....Breyton and I pulled everything out of his closet and sorted outgrown clothes in boxes by size. This is part of the mess created to be able to organize it all back:) There was several other boxes of clothes we had already moved out.
...but ended up with a fairly clean closet organized by short sleeve, long sleeve, shorts, pants, jackets, coats, so on. Hopefully I keep it this way because everything is easy to find now. So many clothes for one little boy!
Nap time in the sleeping bag! He was pretending to be camping:)
Oh and dinner at Pops.....out by the big pop bottle trying to climb of course!
Ignoring mom trying to take a pic before 'school'.
Cool kids drink their chocolate milk and have the one shoulder back pack.
Thankful for every week I have with this crazy little boy!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Things to remember~August
It's been 1 year since I started this blog! So special already to look back at all the memories made in just this past year.
It's time for some of my favorites from Breyton in August!
1) Breyton has started picking up on the radio stations we listen to and I love it that now he asks to listen to "Air 1" ( a Christian radio station).
2) Ok so this is a bad habit he picked up and ended in August as well. Saying "shut-up"...not really sure were he picked it up, because Mason and I purposely don't use it around him, but obviously it's everywhere. Just not near as cute when your 3 year old tells you to "shut-up" in target! Took no tolerance action on this new word habit. Anyways, funny part is a week later I over hear him saying, "DON'T say shut-lululu...its bad and will get you a spankin". He wouldn't even finish the word....So now he says "mom, shut-lululu". Hopefully that will slowly phase out as well:)
3)The other night we were laying in bed and he rolled over kissed me on the forehead and said, "mama, your a precious boy".
4)Breyton is starting to want more privacy lately.- He will say he has to go pee and tell me to "stay right there, I'll go by myself". Or if he does need help in the bathroom he will tell me "don't look mama". Oddly enough this is only when he's using the potty because the rest of the day he would run around naked if I let him.
5)One of his favorite phrases this month is "Who bought that?". He will ask it all the time about everything from clothes, shoes, food, toys, and furniture.
6) We borrowed 'gramps' old white truck for a couple days this month and B was obsessed with it! He spent hours each day loading and unloading the truck bed with sutff he "needed for work".
7) Of course I will add on here B's 3rd birthday was this month and so happy to throw him a party he enjoyed. Celebrating his birthday was definitely a highlight of this month!
Very thankful for August and that we had a few weeks of a tad cooler weather. Always much more enjoyable to be outdoors with B when we aren't soaking in sweat:) Ending August with my wonderful hubby's birthday today! Can't wait to celebrate his birthday this coming weekend.....and so happy fall is just around the corner!!!
It's time for some of my favorites from Breyton in August!
1) Breyton has started picking up on the radio stations we listen to and I love it that now he asks to listen to "Air 1" ( a Christian radio station).
2) Ok so this is a bad habit he picked up and ended in August as well. Saying "shut-up"...not really sure were he picked it up, because Mason and I purposely don't use it around him, but obviously it's everywhere. Just not near as cute when your 3 year old tells you to "shut-up" in target! Took no tolerance action on this new word habit. Anyways, funny part is a week later I over hear him saying, "DON'T say shut-lululu...its bad and will get you a spankin". He wouldn't even finish the word....So now he says "mom, shut-lululu". Hopefully that will slowly phase out as well:)
3)The other night we were laying in bed and he rolled over kissed me on the forehead and said, "mama, your a precious boy".
4)Breyton is starting to want more privacy lately.- He will say he has to go pee and tell me to "stay right there, I'll go by myself". Or if he does need help in the bathroom he will tell me "don't look mama". Oddly enough this is only when he's using the potty because the rest of the day he would run around naked if I let him.
5)One of his favorite phrases this month is "Who bought that?". He will ask it all the time about everything from clothes, shoes, food, toys, and furniture.
6) We borrowed 'gramps' old white truck for a couple days this month and B was obsessed with it! He spent hours each day loading and unloading the truck bed with sutff he "needed for work".
7) Of course I will add on here B's 3rd birthday was this month and so happy to throw him a party he enjoyed. Celebrating his birthday was definitely a highlight of this month!
Very thankful for August and that we had a few weeks of a tad cooler weather. Always much more enjoyable to be outdoors with B when we aren't soaking in sweat:) Ending August with my wonderful hubby's birthday today! Can't wait to celebrate his birthday this coming weekend.....and so happy fall is just around the corner!!!
Saturday, August 25, 2012
You lead, I'll follow.......
Let me start off by saying God is so good!
Just crazy inexplicably good.
A few weeks ago we started the process(aka lots of paperwork, patience, and prayer) to adopt.
I didn't think I'd be saying the words 'we're adopting..now' for at least another 4-6 years. Yet here we are so indescribably EXCITED for what God has in store. It's so amazing to look back at the past year and realize how God has woven together such an amazing plan...every moment that hurt so much was part of a bigger plan I couldn't fathom. I can so clearly see now how the 'valley's' we've been through have prepared our hearts for the path He is charting ahead.
This past year I believe was a 'test' from satan so to speak to see if I'd let the doubts, hurt, and fears to win or if I'd let each moment to draw me closer to my Savior than ever before. That's where I stand now with a faith and peace that I couldn't have developed else wise. I know God is working everything together for the good of those who love him.
I. know. It.
I can't possibly explain everything that has gone in our lives for this complete change of heart. We are not adopting now because of infertility because that's not the case...we are adopting because there is a need and God has given us the abilities to be a part of his work by loving on children who need unconditional love. Just like the love He himself bestows on us.
To do the work Christ has called us to do regardless of how crazy it may seem to some. We are tired of waiting to do what Gods asks us to do.... I've realized that is a lie and trap straight from the enemy to keep God's children off course. God doesn't need 'perfect conditions' he just needs willing hearts. Yes we are only 24 and there will be people who don't understand or may make judgements based on the world's standard. I don't care though. I just want to be exactly where Jesus tells me to be.
I want to be all in.
I'm far from it still, but with every step of obedience I want to be that much closer.
Really there's sooo much I have to say about adoption and what got us to this point, but maybe I'll have a chance to spill more of my heart in future blog posts. For now I wanted to announce (so to speak) our wonderful news.... because I feel like months(hopefully not years) down the road when we have a new addition to our family everyone won't be wondering when in the world that happened. Adoption and pregnancy really do share a lot of similarities. The moment you really decide your adopting and start the process is kind of like the positive pregnancy test. You are overwhelmed with emotions including joy, fear, and excitement! Then you can't help but think of the child who will be yours...I'm already wondering who he/she will be, what they will look, etc. Just like in conception God already has our child/children picked out and He knows every detail.
Then comes the patience and waiting to meet and hold your child.
So that's where we are just waiting and praying not knowing what the future holds, but knowing WHO holds the future.
We are not naive to the possibly difficult road ahead, but currently too busy rejoicing in our new path God is directing!
~P.S.~
I've been reading a blog (louxfamilyblog.com), where they talk about their 10 adoptions...the good and the bad. I highly recommend visiting their blog if you need any conviction to live out James 1:27. Here's an excerpt from a post while they where in the midst of adopting a special needs child:
"I was thinking, “Man, adopting this little boy has been so much work. This is exhausting, expensive, uncomfortable … and it doesn’t feel very rewarding right now.” What am I doing in some little Soviet car in the dark, in the middle of rural Ukraine in frozen December, as the driver dodges cats and potholes? What if Dimitri doesn’t improve at all? What if we get “nothing” out of this? … Ahhh, there it was; that dark, fallen, unreedemed, selfish human love, rooted in the tree of the knowledge of “good and evil”. The love the Greeks called “erao” love. The love where we treat someone as precious and treasured for what we can get out of it. This is unlike “agapeo” love, the God kind of love that treats someone as treasured and precious for their good, not for my good. It’s when I love a person in order to meet their needs, having no expectation of them meeting any of my needs. At a whole new level, God is working His kind of love into my weak heart, and He’s using little Dimitri to do it.
My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly “Papa” feels towards us."
Just crazy inexplicably good.
A few weeks ago we started the process(aka lots of paperwork, patience, and prayer) to adopt.
I didn't think I'd be saying the words 'we're adopting..now' for at least another 4-6 years. Yet here we are so indescribably EXCITED for what God has in store. It's so amazing to look back at the past year and realize how God has woven together such an amazing plan...every moment that hurt so much was part of a bigger plan I couldn't fathom. I can so clearly see now how the 'valley's' we've been through have prepared our hearts for the path He is charting ahead.
This past year I believe was a 'test' from satan so to speak to see if I'd let the doubts, hurt, and fears to win or if I'd let each moment to draw me closer to my Savior than ever before. That's where I stand now with a faith and peace that I couldn't have developed else wise. I know God is working everything together for the good of those who love him.
I. know. It.
I can't possibly explain everything that has gone in our lives for this complete change of heart. We are not adopting now because of infertility because that's not the case...we are adopting because there is a need and God has given us the abilities to be a part of his work by loving on children who need unconditional love. Just like the love He himself bestows on us.
To do the work Christ has called us to do regardless of how crazy it may seem to some. We are tired of waiting to do what Gods asks us to do.... I've realized that is a lie and trap straight from the enemy to keep God's children off course. God doesn't need 'perfect conditions' he just needs willing hearts. Yes we are only 24 and there will be people who don't understand or may make judgements based on the world's standard. I don't care though. I just want to be exactly where Jesus tells me to be.
I want to be all in.
I'm far from it still, but with every step of obedience I want to be that much closer.
Really there's sooo much I have to say about adoption and what got us to this point, but maybe I'll have a chance to spill more of my heart in future blog posts. For now I wanted to announce (so to speak) our wonderful news.... because I feel like months(hopefully not years) down the road when we have a new addition to our family everyone won't be wondering when in the world that happened. Adoption and pregnancy really do share a lot of similarities. The moment you really decide your adopting and start the process is kind of like the positive pregnancy test. You are overwhelmed with emotions including joy, fear, and excitement! Then you can't help but think of the child who will be yours...I'm already wondering who he/she will be, what they will look, etc. Just like in conception God already has our child/children picked out and He knows every detail.
Then comes the patience and waiting to meet and hold your child.
So that's where we are just waiting and praying not knowing what the future holds, but knowing WHO holds the future.
We are not naive to the possibly difficult road ahead, but currently too busy rejoicing in our new path God is directing!
~P.S.~
I've been reading a blog (louxfamilyblog.com), where they talk about their 10 adoptions...the good and the bad. I highly recommend visiting their blog if you need any conviction to live out James 1:27. Here's an excerpt from a post while they where in the midst of adopting a special needs child:
"I was thinking, “Man, adopting this little boy has been so much work. This is exhausting, expensive, uncomfortable … and it doesn’t feel very rewarding right now.” What am I doing in some little Soviet car in the dark, in the middle of rural Ukraine in frozen December, as the driver dodges cats and potholes? What if Dimitri doesn’t improve at all? What if we get “nothing” out of this? … Ahhh, there it was; that dark, fallen, unreedemed, selfish human love, rooted in the tree of the knowledge of “good and evil”. The love the Greeks called “erao” love. The love where we treat someone as precious and treasured for what we can get out of it. This is unlike “agapeo” love, the God kind of love that treats someone as treasured and precious for their good, not for my good. It’s when I love a person in order to meet their needs, having no expectation of them meeting any of my needs. At a whole new level, God is working His kind of love into my weak heart, and He’s using little Dimitri to do it.
My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it, just like Dimitri will never comprehend or fully appreciate what is about to happen to him … but … he will live in the fruit of it. As his Daddy, I will never expect him to understand all of this or even to thank me. I just want to watch him live in the benefits of my love and experience the joys of being an heir in my family. This is how our heavenly “Papa” feels towards us."
Saturday, August 11, 2012
10 random facts about he and I
I saw a similar idea on a blog not to long ago and thought I'd give it a go myself!
1)We both have a major sweet tooth. It gets us in to trouble. We pretty much can't make a 'trip' to town without having to get ice cream!
2)We argue about who has to cuddle who at night....yes it's weird....but I prefer to sleep on my right side and he prefers his left.
3) Both enjoy going to the gun range and can make a pretty fun date night out of shooting targets.
4)We pretty much always enjoy each others company no matter what we are doing. One of our favorite past times is watching movies together during our in home date nights.
5)We are both pretty goofy and it works well together. I think Breyton has no chance of being a 'serious' type.
6) We both love the ocean. A bucket list item is definitely to swim with sharks. We may possibly be in a cage while they swim around us hehe, but either way it's on the list.
7) We've never had cable or satelite in our 5 years of marriage, yet have never been bored. Just recently we upgraded from rabbit ears to having netflix.
8) Sort of old fashioned in our roles in marriage. I don't think its on purpose just the way it works out. He does most of the yard work and I do the cooking, laundry, etc.
9) We went kindergarten through 12th grade together. Even were 'married' once in 1st grade in the presidential play as Abe and Mary Todd Lincoln.
10) Despite going K-12th we never were a couple in school years. However we went on ONE date and junior prom together, but never amounted to much.......until end of summer after senior year. Obviously things went well from there because 6 years later we are still going stronger than ever.:)
Heres us in 1st grade as Abe and Mary Todd Lincoln:
1)We both have a major sweet tooth. It gets us in to trouble. We pretty much can't make a 'trip' to town without having to get ice cream!
2)We argue about who has to cuddle who at night....yes it's weird....but I prefer to sleep on my right side and he prefers his left.
3) Both enjoy going to the gun range and can make a pretty fun date night out of shooting targets.
4)We pretty much always enjoy each others company no matter what we are doing. One of our favorite past times is watching movies together during our in home date nights.
5)We are both pretty goofy and it works well together. I think Breyton has no chance of being a 'serious' type.
6) We both love the ocean. A bucket list item is definitely to swim with sharks. We may possibly be in a cage while they swim around us hehe, but either way it's on the list.
7) We've never had cable or satelite in our 5 years of marriage, yet have never been bored. Just recently we upgraded from rabbit ears to having netflix.
8) Sort of old fashioned in our roles in marriage. I don't think its on purpose just the way it works out. He does most of the yard work and I do the cooking, laundry, etc.
9) We went kindergarten through 12th grade together. Even were 'married' once in 1st grade in the presidential play as Abe and Mary Todd Lincoln.
10) Despite going K-12th we never were a couple in school years. However we went on ONE date and junior prom together, but never amounted to much.......until end of summer after senior year. Obviously things went well from there because 6 years later we are still going stronger than ever.:)
Heres us in 1st grade as Abe and Mary Todd Lincoln:
And now:
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