Pregnancy after miscarriage.

That Casting Crowns song "Praise You in this Storm" is playing in my head right now-

"But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
and takes away."


I wrote the post below almost 2 months ago after finding out I was pregnant again this past August. Little did I know what the future would hold. I sure didn't expect it to include another loss of a precious life so soon...but it did. I really felt like I should still share how God spoke to me about fear and faith while being pregnant again. It applies in this waiting I'm in still. It actually applies to every area of my life. Despite going on to have a second miscarriage I hope one day when I am pregnant again I will read this and be reminded that we DO NOT have to live with a spirit of fear.


Written September 2012:

Becoming pregnant after a miscarriage can be a very scary experience...if you let it. I think everyone has some worries when they discover they are pregnant, but until it actually happens to you miscarriage is just a statistic.

 Something that happens to someone else.

Once you've experienced how real loss really is it is hard to ever be the same. I think its obvious how truly grateful and excited we are to be pregnant again! Words cannot describe the joy of being blessed with a new life. However, its a struggle to not let satan steal the joy that pregnancy is supposed to be without fear of more heartache. It's those subconscious thoughts * you feel guilty for even thinking*....should we get our hopes up again, maybe I shouldn't talk about names yet, or plan every detail of the nursery....try not to imagine how wonderful it will be to watch my belly grow, to hear that heartbeat, feel kicks, watch B be a big brother, on and on.

That's when I have to remember that satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy(John 10:10). I refuse to let him win. I have to take a look at what God's word says and what he promises.

The fear of celebrating because of how much it will hurt to have a broken heart again is there. Though from that moment I see those 2 pink lines I can't help but celebrate this new life because it's a natural overflow. Part of me wants to think if we tried not to plan so far ahead that the loss wouldn't be so devastating , but I should know that isn't true. God's word says EVERY life is worth celebrating no matter how short and that babies are a gift from heaven. I know that every single tear that I cried for our lost baby was worth it. S/he deserved to be celebrated with every part of me because God created that baby with a purpose and knew him/her by name. I'm so glad we spent our time rejoicing during every week that baby was ours. I may not have gotten to hold that precious life on this side of eternity, but I know I have an angel waiting for me in heaven.

Though it may not sound like it I must say God has really blessed me with a peace from the beginning of this pregnancy that can only come from him. I just wanted to share my struggles  ....because that is when God gets more of the glory. I know many others have mourned a loss and hope they can know someone else does understand. We all probably share these same emotions. I read on other blogs/forums where tons of people think they just have to live with the constant fear and that it's okay. However, God has not given us a spirit of fear we don't have to spend this pregnancy (or fill in the blank_______) in worry.

Allowing fear/worry to control our thoughts is a sin we have to view it as that.

 We can have a joy and peace to not stress over every symptom or lack thereof....we must place this life in God's hands because it is HIS after all.  I have my weak moments when fear comes in, but I'm constantly striving to focus on the joy I have now. I am pregnant today. I will praise God for that and take it one day at a time as God leads me down a path to healing.

****When I wrote this post I never really dreamed we would suffer through the loss of the child I was carrying...everything just seemed so perfect with the timing.  I can say this post still reflects how I feel despite it all....I will rejoice yet again when God blesses us with a new life. No matter how short(or long) of a time that life may be with us. As painful as this has all been I know I am a different person on the other side of it. Someone I would not be if God hadn't led me down this road.

It is a choice though- we choose whether to blame God for bad things(whatever they may be) or to run to him in our darkest times. I can't yet say I see the good in all of it, but I trust that my God who allowed it is very good and has my best in mind.